Today was a difficult day. I woke up earlier than usual, as Walt got ready to go to church. I laid in bed for a while contemplating the decision I had made in the middle of last week and how I was going to word this letter the teacher and friend that I have been helping for 3 or 4 years to let her know that, for now, this would be by last day helping her with the Sunday School class. I started it off okay but as I got more personal and apologetic, I suppose conviction and guilt really set in and the tears started to flow. It eventually became weeping.
I didn't wholly want to give up that role, but I know it is the right decision. I am not where I need to be spritually, to the point of not even wanting to get up and go to church. That lone decision affects me as a Christian, Pastor's wife, wife, mom, friend, coworker and overall person. I have been negligent in my role of helping almost since day one and am very disappointed in myself for not holding to the commitment I made. I am at the point where I'm not being filled (of my own doing) so I don't have anything to pour out. The only things that poured out today were tears of remorse and sadness, and a lot of them. I cried the whole class, more or less, even breaking down a few times. I even wept in my vehicle before driving home. Tears roll as I journal this day.
She is a very gracious woman who condemned me not and wanted assurance that I would stop by from time to time and not be a stranger. I am blessed to receive the grace that I did today from my friend and even more blessed the grace that I receive from my Savior, no matter what my failures, time and time again.
Dear friend, thank you for your transparency.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that was a difficult decision for you, but God will honor your obedience.
I am here for you if you need to talk.
Love and hugs,
Daphne
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